It's Not the Words

Most people think the problem with their DMs is the words.

It's not the words. It's where the words land.

I'm going to show you a grid. A 2x2 matrix. Two axes. And once you see it, you won't be able to unsee it. Every DM you've ever sent -- every DM you've ever received -- fits into one of four quadrants. And only one of them works.

trust-quadrant.png

Two Axes, Four Quadrants

Here's how it works.

The horizontal axis is Specificity. On the left, you've got generic -- could apply to anyone in any industry. On the right, you've got specific -- this is about a particular problem, a particular situation, a particular thing they're dealing with.

The vertical axis is Personalisation. At the bottom, it's for a stranger -- could be sent to literally anyone. At the top, it's for them -- this message could only have been written for this one person.

Two axes. Four quadrants. And where your DM sits on this grid pretty much determines whether it gets a reply or gets ignored.

Bottom-Left: VA Spam

This is where 99% of LinkedIn DMs live.

"We are a full-service digital agency specialising in web development, SEO, social media management, and brand strategy. We help businesses scale their online presence with data-driven solutions..."

You've got one of these in your inbox right now. Probably three. You didn't read it. You never read them. Nobody reads them.

Generic AND for a stranger. It was written by someone who doesn't know you, about something that could apply to anyone, and it was clearly sent to 400 people at once. You can feel it. Your brain processes it in about half a second and goes: spam. Delete.

When I showed this grid on a coaching call, Vladimir -- a fashion consultant -- said: "Everything I've read says you don't want to pitch in the first DM, but this kind of turns it on its head."

And he's right. The advice "don't pitch in the first DM" exists because most people's pitches are VA Spam. The answer isn't to stop pitching. The answer is to stop being in this quadrant.

Bottom-Right: Door Knocker

This one's sneaky because it feels more personal. But it's not.

"Hey Matt, I noticed you're a founder -- I help founders grow their revenue using our proven framework."

Cool. You used my name. You identified that I'm a founder, which took you about two seconds. And then you hit me with the same pitch you send to every founder on LinkedIn.

This is the Jehovah's Witnesses quadrant. They knocked on your door, they might even use your name. But they're delivering the exact same message to every house on the street.

It's the solar panel salesperson. "Hi, we noticed you have a roof." Yeah, mate. Everyone has a roof. That's not personalisation.

The message itself could go to anyone. And your brain knows it.

Now this one's interesting because it actually feels nice to receive.

"I've been following your work and it's really impressive. Would love to connect."

It's positive. It's warm. And it achieves absolutely nothing.

This is the Chinese restaurant fortune cookie. You crack it open after your sweet and sour pork, the little slip of paper says "You will have 10 blessed years," and you go, oh that's nice. And then you eat the cookie and forget it existed.

It could have been sent to anyone. There's nothing in the message that proves they actually understood your situation or have anything specific to offer. It's flattery without substance.

Fortune Cookie DMs make people feel good for about 4 seconds. They don't start conversations. They just... exist.

Top-Right: Unclogged Toilet

This is where you want to be. This is the whole game.

Let me tell you a quick story.

A plumber came to our house to fix the kitchen sink. Standard job, right? But while he was under there, he noticed the shower drain in the bathroom was slowly backing up. My wife's hair, right? Classic.

He didn't say anything. He just unclogged it. Without being asked.

I came back, the sink was fixed, the shower was draining properly, and I was like -- this is amazing. I didn't even know I had that problem, and he just... solved it. I would've paid double. I told everyone I knew about that plumber.

That's what your DM should feel like.

Specific AND for them. You identified a real problem they have -- maybe one they don't even know about yet -- and you showed up with something useful. Not a pitch about your services. Not a generic compliment. An actual thing that helps them, specifically, right now.

The Unclogged Toilet is in the top-right because it requires both axes to be maxed out. It's specific to a real problem, and it could only have been sent to this one person. That combination is super rare. Which is exactly why it works.

The Formula

Here's how I think about it as a formula:

Specificity x Subculture Fluency x Usefulness - Pressure

Specificity means you're talking about their actual situation. Subculture fluency means you speak their language -- their world, their problems, the terminology that makes them go "oh, this person gets it." Usefulness means you're bringing something to the table, not just asking for something.

And then you subtract pressure. Every ounce of "book a call" or "are you available Tuesday?" energy you inject into a cold DM reduces the trust you just built.

The KPI

Here's the only question you need to ask yourself before you hit send.

If you were on the receiving end of this message -- would you be glad you got it?

Not "would they book a call." Not "would they reply." Would they be genuinely glad they opened it?

That's a really, really different bar. Most people write DMs hoping for a reply. I want you to write DMs that make people glad they opened their inbox.

That's the KPI. Would they be glad?

The Test

And here's the fastest diagnostic I've got.

Read your message one more time and ask yourself: could this have been sent to anyone else?

If the answer is yes -- even slightly -- rewrite it.

If you swapped out the name and the company and it still made sense, it's not an Unclogged Toilet. It's a Door Knocker at best. Probably VA Spam with a name merged in.

The Unclogged Toilet only works if it could only have been sent to one person. That's the standard. That's the bar. One person.

The Offer Viability Gate

Here's where most people screw up the Unclogged Toilet.

They try to unclog a toilet that doesn't exist.

You've done the research. You've found something specific. You've written a message that feels personal. And the thing you're offering? Nobody wants it. Not because the DM was bad -- because the gift itself fails a basic market reality check.

Your gift has to pass four gates. I call this the Offer Viability test. OV = D x C x O x P. It's multiplicative, not additive. If any one of these four is a zero, the whole thing is dead on arrival.

D -- Latent Demand. Are they already looking for this outcome? Not "would this be useful if they thought about it." Are they already searching for it, complaining about it, or paying someone else to solve it? If the demand doesn't already exist, you're not unclogging a toilet -- you're installing plumbing they never asked for.

C -- Category Belief. Can they instantly place what kind of thing you're offering? "I'll audit your LinkedIn funnel" -- they know what that is. "I'll help you find alignment in your leadership capacity" -- what the hell is that? If they can't place it, they can't price it. If they can't price it, they can't accept it. Even for free.

O -- Outcome Observability. Can they imagine success? Can they see what "done" looks like? "I found 3 things on your landing page that are killing your conversion rate" -- they can picture that. "I'll help you feel more confident in your messaging" -- invisible. Unmeasurable. Dead.

P -- Payment Normalisation. Is this something people expect to pay for? Would it be weird to receive for free? A LinkedIn audit from someone who clearly knows their stuff? Normal. A "mindset alignment session" from a complete stranger? Weird. Super weird.

If any of those four is a zero, it doesn't matter how good the other three are. Zero times anything is zero. Dead before it lands.

You Can't Copy-Write Your Way Out

Everyone talks about making irresistible offers. Cool.

But an irresistible offer for something nobody's already looking for is just a really well-packaged thing no one wants.

Offer viability comes first. Then you make it irresistible.

You can't copy-write your way out of a non-viable offer. You can't niche your way out of it either. If your gift doesn't pass all four gates, I don't care how beautifully written that message is. It's not going to work.

Your Actual Job

So here's your job.

Your job is to unclog their toilet.

And if you don't know what their toilet problem is -- that's the research, not the DM.

Next: Chapter 4 -- The Three Types