Not All DMs Are Created Equal

Three Levels, Three Plays

Not every DM starts from the same place. And once you understand that, you stop treating every message the same -- which is the mistake I see people make over and over and over.

There are three levels. I call them intent signals. And they change everything about how you write your message.

Level 1: Opted In

This person already raised their hand. They downloaded your lead magnet. They signed up for your workshop. They joined your community. They're in your world, and they know it.

This is your highest conversion rate. Every single time.

If you're going to start sending DMs today -- right now, this afternoon -- start here. These people literally gave you their email or clicked a button that said "I want this." They've already done the hard part for you.

Most people skip straight to cold outreach and wonder why it feels like screaming into the void.

Start here. Seriously.

Level 2: Engaged

This person hasn't opted in, but they've shown up. They liked your post. Left a comment. Viewed your profile.

They're warm. They know your face. They've seen your name.

But warm isn't hot. Warm means they're aware of you, not that they're ready to buy. And so the DM needs to be more specific. You can't just say "Hey, saw you liked my post!" That's lazy.

What you do with Level 2 is reference the exact thing they engaged with and connect it to something in their world. "You commented on my post about niche pricing -- I had a look at your profile and noticed you run a consultancy doing X." You're bridging the gap between "I've seen your stuff" and "you've actually looked at mine."

Level 2 needs specificity. That's what separates a reply from an ignore.

Level 3: Cold

Never interacted. Never seen your content. Don't know you exist. Complete stranger.

This is where most people think DMs don't work. They're wrong.

It just requires more layers.

I sent cold DMs to Level 3 people -- complete strangers -- for most of mine. The Ali Abdaal DM. The John Barrows DM. These weren't people who'd liked my posts or signed up for a webinar. They had no idea who I was.

100% reply rate.

So let me be super clear about something.

What the Levels Actually Change

Here's what most people get wrong. The level doesn't define whether they're interested. All three levels book calls. All three levels close deals. The only thing that changes is how many layers your DM needs.

Level 1 needs fewer trust signals because they already raised their hand. You can be more direct. Fewer moves.

Level 3 needs more. More tribal recognition. More specificity. More proof that you've been in their world. More reasons to reply to a stranger.

That's it.

It's not a question of "will they reply." It's a question of how much work you need to put in to earn that reply. The structure I'm going to show you in the next chapter gives you the exact layers to stack -- whether you're messaging someone who downloaded your PDF yesterday or someone who's never heard your name.

AI and Cold Signals

And here's the thing -- with AI, Level 3 isn't even really cold anymore.

You can understand signals people already have even if they've never interacted with you. Their posts. Their about section. Their company news. The podcast they were on last week. The hire they just announced.

You can make assumptions. Even if you're only 70% confident -- or even 20% -- you still send the DM anyway. Because it doesn't fucking matter. The worst case is they don't reply. The best case is they say "fuck yeah, let's do it."

That's the actual risk profile. No reply vs. new client. And people sit there paralysed because they're not sure if their research is right. Mate, send it. You're not proposing marriage. You're sending a message.

AI lets you research someone in 90 seconds who would've taken you 30 minutes two years ago. You can pull their language, their priorities, the exact words they use to describe their business -- and write a DM that sounds like it came from someone who's been in their world for months.

Even at Level 3, you can make it feel like Level 1.

The Math

Let me do some quick maths.

You send 5 DMs a day. Every day. That's 25 a week. 100 a month.

You book 1 out of every 20. That's 5 meetings a month from cold DMs alone.

If your close rate is 30%, that's 1--2 new clients a month.

From typing. In your underpants. At your kitchen table.

Tell me that's not worth 15 minutes a day.

And those numbers are conservative. My clients regularly do better than 1 in 20 once they've nailed the structure. But even if you're average, the maths still works. 5 a day. That's it.

Quality Over Volume

Now, someone's going to read those numbers and think, "Right, so I should blast out 50 DMs a day and 5x the result."

No. No, no, no.

I could send 15 messages in 15 minutes, or I could send 1 message in 15 minutes that's 20 times better. I'm taking the one. Every single time.

Because a shit DM doesn't just get ignored. It burns the bridge. You get one chance to show up into their world, and if you waste it with a copy-paste template, you're done. That contact is cooked.

Write the one. Make it count.

Everyone Starts as a Stranger

At some point, every relationship starts cold. Every conference. Every podcast. Every deal. Someone had to go first.

The ironic thing? My mate -- the one I wrote the DM for over tacos at SoCal -- he's a content coach. For content people. He didn't even do it through content. He closed $68K in DMs alone. A guy who teaches content creation, booking all his clients through cold outreach.

Which kind of tells you everything you need to know.

The Science

In 2004, researchers Burger, Messian, Patel, del Prado and Anderson ran a study at Santa Clara University. They published it in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology: "What a Coincidence! The Effects of Incidental Similarity on Compliance."

Here's what they found. When people discovered they shared an incidental similarity with a stranger -- same birthday, same first name, same fingerprint type -- compliance with a request nearly doubled. Not because the similarity was meaningful. Because it felt like a coincidence. The brain went, "Hang on, we've got something in common," and that was enough to change behaviour.

Perceived coincidences create instant connection.

Your job is to find -- or create -- those coincidences in every DM. The shared industry. The mutual connection. The niche detail only someone from their world would know. It doesn't have to be real serendipity. It just has to feel like it.

Show Up in Their World

You don't have to be from their industry. You don't have to know them. You don't need a warm intro or a mutual friend or a shared history.

But you have to show up into their world.

Next: Chapter 5 -- The Architecture